I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
