I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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