guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We were destined to go to rehab together
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
