peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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