I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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