I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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