You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
