obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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