So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
