DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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