Come see our sink grown plant.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
