Come see our sink grown plant.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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