The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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