I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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