Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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