he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
