Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i believe in u and ur pee
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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