I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
