i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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