Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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