i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
please come you make the beer taste better
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
