Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
