Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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