i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
