before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Found the puke drawer
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
