I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
