do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
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