I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Randomize
