epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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