its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
