Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
