i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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