I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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