so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
