Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
