Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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