haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
