This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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