just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
