Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
