fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
