He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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