You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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