you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
