WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
