Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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