Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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