I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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