I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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