I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
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