Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
