I can text with my tongue
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
