$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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