What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
