What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
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