What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
