THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
