He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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