"it" just moved
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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