If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
