she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
