Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
