Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
