if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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