I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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