im six kinds of drunk right now
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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