I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
